It’s really hard to come back to a blog when
you’ve taken such a long break away. I guess the only way I can explain my
hiatus is that this blog was, for the most part, to talk about running and
after my last post my running started to deteriorate and eventually crashed and
burned. At this point, for reasons not entirely know, I currently can’t run
more than 1-2 miles. I still don’t know
exactly what is happening, but this is an account of what has been going on and
why I haven’t been able to run normally in nearly 6 weeks.
Over the past six weeks running started to get
progressively harder and harder. My pace slowed and my enjoyment weaned, but I
still kept at it because I had a spring marathon in sights. I added in extra
rest days and put my pride aside, lowering my pace more and more. I was not
going to give up that easily.
By two weeks before Christmas I couldn’t run
more than 3 miles at a time at almost 10 minute miles (for those keeping track
I had just run 26.2 miles at an 8:48 pace back in October). Eventually my general
fatigue, nausea and various other symptoms sent me to the doctor to get checked
out. I explained to him all my symptoms and repeated to him at least 5 times,
“I just ran a marathon in October and now I can’t run one mile at my previous
pace. No seriously, I run marathons and now I can barely run. THIS IS AN
ISSUE.” He took a lot of blood and set me up for all sorts of tests.
The problems persisted and when Ben and I
arrived in Illinois December 22nd to spend Christmas with my family
I still wasn’t feeling myself. I tried running on my parent’s treadmill hopeful
it would have some magical restorative powers on me, but only made it 4 painful
miles before I resorted to walking the rest of my workout. By Christmas Eve I
received an e-mail from my doctor with my test results. After looking over
them, doing some googling and having my dad scan them over we came to the
conclusion that I was anemic. Specifically I had very low hemoglobin and hematocrit.
Definitely not serious, but it did somewhat explain why running was getting
progressively more difficult. Here is an except on how it can
affect running:
“Your ability to run at your peak depends heavily on your body's ability to transport oxygen. A shortage of blood cells in your body equates to a shortage of the oxygen your body needs to meet the increased demand when you run. Early symptoms of anemiaare fatigue and decreased energy. It may become difficult to run as fast or as far as you normally could, or your could find yourself being out of breath much sooner than usual."
Now, anemia is a symptom not a diagnosis. It
often means you are iron deficient, but it can mean a wide variety of things
causing it. Without further instruction from my doctor I was unsure how to
proceed.
Soon after receiving this e-mail I got a cold
/sinus infection and spent the rest of my time at my parents on their couch
watching movies like it was my job. I ventured out when I could to go see
friends and family, but for the most part I felt pretty awful. Usually, in my
regular running shape, I would have at least tried to run through the cold, but
considering my general health issues I took an unprecedented WEEK off running.
I thought for sure a week of rest and no running meant that I would return to
the treadmill with a FIREY VENGENCE. I didn’t expect to be fast or even run for
that long, but I did expect to be able to run.
Unfortunately, we returned to Utah and on my
first attempt at the gym I couldn’t muster more than a mile and that mile
almost killed me. I was still somewhat sick at this point so I wrote it off to
that and gave it two more days of rest. When I tried running after two more days
I once again could barely make it one mile. This was the run that sent me over
the emotional edge. It may not sound like it, but up to this point I had kept
it “relatively” together.
After this particularly awful run I couldn’t
stand it anymore and came home crying and feeling like I would never run more
than a mile again. So I gave it two MORE days off running. During this time,
after stalking my doctor and crying to a nurse on the phone, three weeks after
my initial tests and two weeks after the results had come back my doctor’s
office finally called me back to tell me what I should be doing to treat my
anemia. First, they told me that if I was bleeding to go to the emergency room
(no duh), then that I should take an iron pill once a day. Don’t know why it
took them three weeks to tell me that. Not that I wanted there to be worse
news, but I never really felt like anemia could be the only thing causing this
so I felt a little confused when that was the only thing that came out of all
the tests.
The next day I tried running again and again
could barely run a mile. Is this story feeling redundant yet? Because that is
how my life has felt for the past month…
However, this run I didn’t feel as defeated as
the one two days previous, because even though my lungs screamed at me to stop,
my body felt alive in a way it hadn’t in a long time. This gave me hope that
maybe I was just still sick and that I hadn’t lost all of my running ability.
So I gave it another day.
On Monday I ran 2.5 miles and they felt Good.
Not great or amazing by any means, but good. I was so happy I almost cried. To
think I would have scoffed at a run that short mere months ago, but making it
that far after so long of awful, horrible runs put me in the best mood.
Sadly, the next day I couldn’t even make it .8
miles before I had to stop. I am still trying to remain optimistic, but I can’t
help but scratch my head. Although I am sure anemia is a large contributing
factor to my difficult running, it surely can’t be the only thing stopping me
from running over a mile? When I was last at my doctors he said that since my
oxygen readings were at 100% there is almost a zero percent chance that
anything is wrong with my lungs. With the exception of my low blood count the
array of other tests the doctor ran all came back normal. At this point he has
actually suggested that it is all in my head. If he knew me and knew how much I
loved to run, he would know that is not the case. In the market for a new
doctor by the way – one that calls about test results and doesn’t tell me it’s
all in my head. Maybe I should tell him for the millionth time I am a marathon
runner that can’t run a mile?
This whole trial has been a testament to how
much I really do love running. Even though it has felt consistently awful for
nearly two months that distant memory of the times it felt amazing keeps me
going. They’ll be moments where I’ll forget – almost as if to just put myself
out of my misery not being able to run– but I can’t. I’m not giving up. Even if
I can only run one mile every day and even if that mile burns and hurts and
leaves me wheezing I won’t stop trying to run until it feels better. Especially
if no other physical reasoning behind the setback comes to light.
I haven’t become a complete and total bum
since my running ability went kaput. After all of my failed runs I still stayed
and walked on the treadmill to finish out the hour, I’ve been doing hour long
strength training session 2-3 times a week and have been doing some at home
circuit training usually taking 4-5 exercises and doing a progressive circuit
3-5 times. Anything to stay active! There have been times I’ve had to cut even
these activities short because of how they’ve made me feel, but it is not in my
nature to be completely sedentary.
Now, this may be the most depressing thing
I’ve ever written. My Christmas vacation was not completely under a shroud of
me moping about running. Maybe mostly, but not completely… I still had a
wonderful time with my husband, parents, siblings, nieces, nephews, friends and
general crowd of Christmas visitors. I’ll write about all that – hopefully with
minimal pity partying – next time. Heck, maybe one day I’ll even write about Thanksgiving
and the race I did!
